No....no this can't be?!?!?!

For two or three of my classes, I have spent time AND effort preparing lessons. Not only have I planned lessons, but planned lessons that review and reinforce the things they learned in the previous lessons. I actually cared whether they were learning or not. Is this possible? Am I growing as a person? Could I really be maturing as a human being? How could this have happened in a single month, what cosmic colonoscopy could have reversed my karma so fast? For a few hours after class today I had feelings of self-worth. I might as well start chiseling my name into a tombstone. What’s next, remorse? I am extraordinarily unhappy with the sudden turn of events, and despite the fact that it’s Thursday, I am going to do my patriotic duty, and go to a bar, get drunk, curse and yell and scratch myself in inappropriate places at inappropriate moments, mock Japanese culture and objectify women. I’ll talk to you when I safely feel like a bastard again.